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Finding a sex toy that really does it for you can be a revelation.
One day, your sex life is fine. Totally fine. The next day, you come out of a sex session with Starsi just blown away by pleasure possibilities that were previously unknown to you.
One day, you’re bopping along, feeling pretty satisfied with the state of your intimate life. The next day, you’re gazing into Princette’s wide eyes, and you realize—you’re in love.
So of course you’d want to introduce your favorite toys to your favorite sexual partners.
Still, maybe you’re nervous about making those introductions. Because sometimes, folks carry misguided assumptions around what it might mean for a partner to suggest incorporating toys into their sex play. They worry this means they’re not enough. They feel indignant that someone they’re with would think they need “all those bells and whistles.”
But introducing sex toys to your partner doesn’t have to be this way!
Sex can sometimes leave us feeling vulnerable. Which is why conversations about sexual wants and needs can be more productive if they occur outside the bedroom, rather than in the heat of the moment.
Even better: Give your partners a heads up that you’d like to talk about your sex life. That way, they have the opportunity to opt into and mentally prepare for the conversation.
Remember that this convo isn’t just about you. It’s about allowing you and your partners to reach new heights of sexual pleasure.
Talk to your partners about what you’d love to do with them. What you’d love to try. And ask them if there’s anything they’ve been curious about trying, too.
Some folks use yes/no/maybe lists to facilitate these conversations. Such lists allow them to consider a wider range of activities, more comfortably express their curiosity for different types of play, and set healthy boundaries and expectations.
Either way, entering these convos with a sense of adventure and excitement can help you learn a lot about each other, and can make your partner play even more amazing.
If you’re still nervous about suggesting a new activity, consider reframing your proposal. Mention that you read an article about how using sex toys during partner play can really enhance everyone’s experience. Or tell them you saw a super sexy scene in a film or TV show, and it inspired you. Paint a picture of why it was so intriguing and ask your partners if they’d like to give it a try.
Maybe your partner is hesitant to use a wearable toy during penetrative sex, but they’re into the idea of sensation play. Maybe they’re not interested in butt stuff, but they’re open to using a toy in order to explore your other erogenous zones. Or perhaps they’d like to start with mutual masturbation?
While your partners may be uncomfortable using toys in some scenarios, there are so many different ways to make your Cute Little BFF part of the fun. Use these conversations as an opportunity to have fun and get creative.
If, after all of this, your partners are still not comfortable bringing sex toys into your partner play, give them your understanding, and let them know that you still love fooling around together—sex toys or no sex toys. You and your toys can always have fun together during solo play.